Finding my truth.

It has been over three years since I last wrote in this blog. That was the old me, the one that went through some happy phases and then suddenly stopped to take on another project.

I'm almost 32. Saying that out loud makes me incredibly happy. I have overcome obstacles, battled with fears, and struggled with anxiety. Despite all that, I've made it to 32. That is pretty incredible. Typing it, which makes it even more real for me, puts me in a such a serene state of mind. I don't buy into the quarter-life, or mid-life crisis fears that people try to force on us. We all decide how we want to perceive ourselves. I look forward to growing old and those thoughts give me peace, because I do not fear old age. I understand the uncertainties that come with aging, but I also fully understand that I only have this one life to just let it go to waste.

In Fall, 2015, I met Professor H. who helped me change my perspective on myself, my environment, and my future, and also encouraged me to ask myself the difficult questions that would aid me in my growth. What is my purpose? What is my mission? What do I want? He was so simplified in his approach, but many of his students still found it difficult to ask these questions. Silence took over the room when Professor H. would shout "What is your purpose!?" Toward the end of the semester, some students (the uptight ones who stood by their complex and bitter views) were unchanged. A few of us found a whole new meaning to our lives. Life is simple he would say repeatedly.

Life is what we make it. This class made me question why I feared so much in my past. My fears and worries of others' opinion of me was so immense that I would completely shut down. I was led to believe that something was wrong with me because I shut down as a result of my fears. I had absolutely nothing to fear. It was all in my head. My fear has decreased by a large amount in the past year and I am happy to say that this major decrease has changed me. I try to meditate daily, and while I don't notice the results immediately, it has made a difference in my overall life in many ways. When I did my presentation for Professor H's class, I ended it by saying "I want to write a book and do a TED talk one day. I'm not exactly sure what the topic would be but I am going to work at it." The old me would never have had confidence to even consider pursing these goals.

I have reached a important point in my life that has given me great peace, truth, and authenticity. I am important, and I own that now. Working on myself is probably the most important project I've taken on thus far. I'm a project I will continue to work on till the day I die.

So to that I say, good work Marissa.